If so, get ready to hear this. Apparrently, AOL accidentally released a massive amount of private data to the public on August 6th. Just how much data was leaked? Over 20 million web search queries by 658,000 different customers. The data, neatly compressed in a 439 MB file, features search strings, outgoing links, and times represented by an individual customer ID number. While the searcher remains anonymous, some of the data is really frightening.

Although it’s not a crime to search for illegal activities, such as murdering one’s wife, this brings up a lot of questions about search engine’s legal and ethical responsibilities that some say aren’t adequately addressed in today’s technology-driven world. Never mind the fact that some people search queries included social security and credit card numbers, names, addresses, and a ton of other unpleasant information. Combined with other recent America Online tragedies, I’d say that the future of America’s worst internet service provider looks pretty dim.

Although AOL is trying their hardest to scrub the internet of this data, you can find a mirror here, as well as search for particular data here. Enjoy!

Here’s a pretty interesting film regarding a theory that the United States will, within the next few decades, ultimatelly have a major crisis because of the development of Suburbs and the increasing shortage of any oil and natural gas.

The other weekend, I had the pleasure of taking my younger siblings to see the premier of Superman at the local movie theater. Eager for good seats, we arrived extra early only to be met with avid fans just like us. As always, the first half an hour before the movie is an absolute mind fuck of pointless advertisements for local lawyers, chiropractic clinics, and everyone’s’ favorite part - the movie trailers.

That’s when I had the displeasure of seeing a trailer for the upcoming teen comedy flick ‘Accepted’ starring Justin “The Mac Guy” Long, whom I consider a complete poster child for a typical washed-out actor with absolutely no talent. In retrospect, he fit right into the plot, which goes as follows: a high school graduate is rejected from every college he had applied to and, pressured by his parents, he and his gang of worthless scoundrels create their own university, aptly named the South Harmond Institute of Technology (the acronym is SHIT, get it?). How did they do this, you might wonder? Well, it’s quite simple, according to the producers; all you need is a fake diploma, a website, and an abandoned psychiatric ward renovated to be a full blown school.

Nothing demonstrates defeat and rejection better than flailing your arms like an idiot and throwing a temper tantrum with a stupid smirk on your face in the middle of an upper-middle class community.

Absolutely amazed by this cunning and original plot that was the flicker of light in the theater, I kept watching the trailer. Our young protégé somehow managed not only to trick his own parents into believing that he’s going to a prospective college, but somehow fooled hundreds of other college rejects into attending the newly acquired institution. And what a better motto to adapt for a school filled with slackers than “Students learn what they want to learn!” Hilarity ensues, as students engage in ridiculous classes some of us may have fantasized about in third period English class, but that have no real place or value in a little place called fucking reality. To tip the cliché Hollywood formula for a teenage comedy, you may have already guessed that the main actor discovers the love of his life, convinces his parents that they were wrong, and proves to his entire community just what a hidden little gem he was all these years, just waiting to shine.

Sounds like a great movie, right? Wrong! Don’t get me wrong, someone has to create movies for the intellectually inept, but movies like this just piss me the hell off. Why? Because it gives unrealistic expectations to real losers, like most of the people that are going to see the movie because they feel like society has wronged their miserable little lives. The sooner these idiots realize they’re worthless and they’ll never become anything, the better. Not everyone is going to be the CEO of a multibillion dollar company, so why bother exciting people with false generalizations? Slackers need to learn that they’ll never, ever be successful. It may happen to one slacker out of a million by winning the lottery, but that’s really about it. Sounds real arrogant? Well, you’re that person! The person that will go through life being either ignorant or miserable because you never tried hard enough in high school or college and/or rode on the coattails of your parents, friends, or other people you intimidated or manipulated!

This blog was originally nothing more than little thought I shouted out in none other than the Accepted Sponsored Facebook group, where I was bombarded by a landslide of unintelligent insults that you would usually expect to hear from a middle school pupil, but instead they came from college students who wondered how I dare mock hard-working American values. Well, guess what, the veneration of the slacker is an American motif, which is why our society places so much emphasis on things that don’t require so much mental capacities, like sports and other activities requiring physical prowess.

Now, I’m no prestigious or exception student now and I never was in high school, so I’m in no position to call names, but I think everyone can agree that movies like this need to spot celebrating laziness and the epitome of stupidity. I don’t expect this or any movie this summer to be on par with Casablanca. Go out and escape your life, enjoy this movie, but don’t let it deceive you into thinking that every loser goes about a task like this in their life, because it just doesn’t happen. Although we live in a society that gives us some freedoms to move about our class, rarely will an individual of a lower position, who despite his foibles, triumphs over adversity in a humorous and implausible way. It’s simply a realm of fiction and many people have blurred the fine line between their miserable and worthless lives and this. But it gives hope, you may say. So what? Hope is but another quintessential delusion that has steered millions of people in the wrong direction for millennia – just take religion, for example.

All in all, I hope that you will only take the finer points in this blog seriously and you’re still capable, despite the many hazards, to enjoy a good film when the time is right.

So, this is kind of about that new movie ‘An Inconvenient Truth’.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, it’s ad is plastered all over MySpace and it uses ridiculously over-dramatized music and images that are supposed to generate support for this money-hogging Hollywood-propagandized piece of shit of a film.

Along with most Hollywood blockbusters about something ‘important’, this one is nothing but a crock of cowshit. Global warming is ridiculously blown out of proportion, it’s nowhere near a human-caused unnatural environmental phenomenon as people claim it to be. What people forget to realize is the fact that the Earth’s climate moves in cycles! Have you ever heard of a little thing called the Ice Age? Well yeah, guess what, they’re linked. The weather is getting warmer now, and eventually it will go down again, at which point (very far in the future, probably 10,000 or so years from now) we’ll be in another Ice Age.

Issuing all of these ridiculous laws isn’t going to affect the Earth’s natural environmental/climactic cycles in the least. And if you want to complain about high gas prices (partially, of course), look no further than your happy asshole liberal politician friends who pass shitloads of annoying, costly emissions laws that don’t do shit. Oil has to be purer to pass the emissions laws, and that costs money. Lowering auto emissions doesn’t change anything! Even if I switch to a sedan, or maybe even a bicycle, it still won’t change anything. Volcanic eruptions alone let out more CO2 than years of human emissions, and it’s perfectly natural.

Also, if global warming was such a big deal, Al Gore would release this movie on the internet as a public service, like Michael Moore did with Fahrenheit 9/11. He could easily pay for the production costs and bandwidth with a couple of previews or adds, not to mention all the money he would get from hippie dumbasses that want to save the planet, but then go and get abortions. Ironic, isn’t it?

If, on the other hand, ‘global warming’ is a tool used by movie producers and washed up politicians to generate money … then this movie will be the next summer blockbuster. Its funny, because it isn’t only hollywood making money on global warming. Politicans like Gore vote massive ammounts of funds for G.W. research so any climatologist who wants to feed his family and/or roll in money, is going to tell people how bad G.W. is in order to get more funding.

Honestly, in a several billion year old planet, we have maybe 100 years of decent recorded climate statistics. Suddenly they think they can make predictions that matter based on this extremely limited information. Thats like watching a stock for 1 day, and saying that they can predict what it will be trading at 9:00 AM the next day based on that. And when their prediction fails they go and tell the FCC that somebody is tampering with stocks. Unbelievable.

The bottomline is — we’re all going to die anyway, this is just one more thing for all of us to worry about while we sit on our asses on the Internet and cry about it. Back in the ’70s, all the hype was whether or not earth was headed into another Ice Age. Global temperature fluctuates. It’s just on an upswing right now. Big fuckin’ deal. We don’t need another washed-out political candidate in need of some cash and publicity to advertise this tell us that.

Speaking of shitty movies, let’s talk about how boring this movie will be. Now, it’s always nice to visit your grandmother, but would you want to sit and listen to her for 2 and a half hours? Hell no, in fact I’d rather give myself a root canal then listen to an old person for more than five minutes. Now take whatever your grandmother is saying and replace it with Al Gore’s annoying monotone voice. Pretty bad, but at least it’s your grandma, right? At least what she’s saying is somewhat relevant to your life. Wrong. She starts talking about science, but she demands you pay her $8 for what she has to say. This is movie is it’s equivalent.

First of all, no one here likes you.

We’re going to offend, insult, abuse, and belittle the living hell out of you. And when you rail against us with “FUCK YOU YOU GEEK WIMP SKATER GOTH LOSER PUNK FAG BITCH!1!!”, we smile to ourselves. We laugh at you because you don’t get it. Then we turn up the heat, hoping to draw more entertainment from your irrational fuming.

We will judge you, and we will find you unworthy. It is a trial by fire, and we won’t even think about turning down the flames until you finally understand. Some of you are smart enough to realize that, when you go online, it’s like entering a foreign country … and you know better than to ignorantly fuck with the locals. You take the time to listen and think before speaking. You learn, and by learning are gladly welcomed. For some of you, it takes a while, then one day it all dawns on you - you get it, and are welcomed into the fold. Some of you give up, and we breathe a sigh of relief - we didn’t want you here anyway. And some of you just never get it. The offensively clueless have a special place in our hearts - as objects of ridicule. We don’t like you, but we do love you.

You will get mad. You will tell us to go to hell, and call us “nerds” and “geeks”. Don’t bother … we already know exactly what we are. And, much like the way hardcore rap has co-opted the word “nigger”, turning an insult around on itself to become a semiserious badge of honor, so have we done. “How dare you! I used to beat the crap out of punks like you in high school/college!” You may have owned the playing field because you were an athlete. You may have owned the student council because you were more popular. You may have owned the hallways and sidewalks because you were big and intimidating. Well, welcome to our world. Things like athleticism, popularity, and physical prowess mean nothing here. We place no value on them … or what car you drive, the size of your bank account, what you do for a living or where you went to school.

Allow us to introduce you to the concept of a “meritocracy” - the closest thing to a form of self-government we have. In The United Meritocratic nation-states of the Internet, those who can do, rule. Those who wish to rule, learn. Everyone else watches from the stands. You may posses everything in the off-line world. We don’t care. You come to the Internet penniless, lacking the only thing of real value here: knowledge. “Who cares? The Internet isn’t real anyway!” This attitude is universally unacceptable. The Internet is real. Real people live behind those handles and screen names. Real machines allow it to exist. It’s real enough to change government policy, real enough to feed the world’s hungry, and even, for some of us, real enough to earn us a paycheck. Using your own definition, how “real” is your job? Your stock portfolio? Your political party? What is the meaning of “real”, anyway?

Do I sound arrogant? Sure … to you. Because you probably don’t get it yet.

If you insist on staying, then, at the very least, follow these advices:

1. No one, ESPECIALLY YOU, will make any law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
2. Use your brain before ever putting fingers to keys.
3. Do you want a picture of you getting anally raped by Bill Clinton while you’re performing oral sex on a cow saved to hundreds of thousands of people’s hard drives? No? Then don’t put your fucking picture on the Internet. We can, will, and probably already HAVE altered it in awful ways. Expect it to show up on an equally offensive website.
4. Realize that you are never, EVER going to get that, or any other, offensive web page taken down. Those of us who run those sites LIVE to piss off people like you. Those of us who don’t run those sites sometimes visit them just to read the hatemail from fools like you.
5. Oh, you say you’re going to a lawyer? Be prepared for us to giggle with girlish delight, and for your lawyer to laugh in your face after he explains current copyright and parody law.
6. The Web is not the Internet. Stop referring to it that way.
7. We have already received the e-mail you are about to forward to us. Shut up.
8. Don’t reply to spam. You are not going to be “unsubscribed”.
9. Don’t ever use the term “cyberspace” (only William Gibson gets to say that, and even he hasn’t really used it for two or three books now). Likewise, you prove yourself a marketing-hype victim if you ever use the term “surfing”.
10. With one or two notable exceptions, chat rooms will not get you laid.
11. It’s a hoax, not a virus warning.
12. The internet is made up of thousands of computers, all connected but owned by different people. Learn how to use *your* computer before attempting to connect it to someone else’s.
13. The first person who offers to help you is really just trying to fuck with you for entertainment. So is the second. And the third. And me.
14. Never insult someone who’s been active in any group longer than you have. You may as well paint a damn target on your back.
15. Never get comfortable and arrogant behind your supposed mask of anonymity. Don’t be surprised when your name, address, and home phone number get thrown back in your smug face. Hell, some of us will snail-mail you a printed satellite photograph of your house to drive the point home. Realize that you are powerless if this happens … it’s all public information, and information is our stock and trade.
16. No one thinks you are as cool as you think you are.
17. You aren’t going to win any argument that you start.
18. If you’re on AOL, don’t worry about anything I’ve said here. You’re already a fucking laughing stock, and there’s no hope for you.
19. If you can’t take a joke, immediately sell your computer to someone who can. RIGHT NOW.

Pissed off? It’s the TRUTH, not these words, that hurts your feelings. Don’t ever even pretend like I’ve gone & hurt them.
We don’t like you. We don’t want you here. We never will. Save us all the trouble and go away.